#mummyproblems

I never like to complain about my life as it is now as I'm trying my hardest not to follow in the footsteps of a regretful relative.  The way I see it is, I chose the way everything is now and I wanted all of it at one point or another so I should be grateful as I've only fulfilled my own wishes.  I know I'm lucky to have found someone and even better still made him a husband who is so patient with me but also is an amazing and very hands on dad.  I'm extremely lucky to be able to own my own home (thanks to my dad) given the housing market in London over the last couple of years.  Most importantly (and I know you'll see this one coming), I'm grateful for my son.  I wanted a baby for the longest time and was made to wait due to circumstances out of our control (thank you economic downturn).  I have friends and know people who have endured a battle with fertility who are the same age as me and I really am so grateful that I could have a child.  My heart breaks for them inside that they might not be able to feel what I do for my son. 

Sometimes though, maybe it's tiredness or just the English air but I just can't get everything done and it's frustrating.  I always knew that a stay at home parent's job was a hard one but I never thought it would be this hard.  For starters, I'm not a big cleaner and although our house is tidy and clean-ish I have never felt as I do now about dirt.  Maybe it's needing to protect my son, or the nesting from when I was pregnant where I would hoover every couple of days as I didn't have much else to do while I waited for baby to arrive but now more than ever if I see dirt it makes me annoyed if I can't/don't have time clean it.  Another mum I know has said the same thing.  Her son is four months younger than mine so she has a lot more crying and feeds to deal with but she even said, when did there become so much stuff to do at home? 
 
My day is usually made up of 6 feeds for my son (at the moment two of those include purees), washing up, washing and sterilising bottles, laundry, more laundry, quiet cleaning and tidying (we only hoover when there are two of us there and when our son is awake so he's not afraid of it), snacking or eating for me, maybe a shower, cooking and finally entertaining my son.  It doesn't sound like a lot but the day flies by, especially if we have a class or something as well during the day we need to prepare to attend.  I feel like I am forever washing up and doing laundry and ironing and it's a pretty monotonous existence.  I know some people would say why don't I leave it till later in the day or for my husband to help out but I cannot see things sitting there anymore and I don't see it as fair on my husband when he has been at work all day long.  

Then there is the entertaining my son.  He chews on everything so reading is out of the question for most of the day.  He is desperate to stand/walk so I have to hold him up at his activity table and show him how to use his walker which can get exhausting for both of us as he's not a small baby!  His attention span with me is also quite short as I get boring very quickly probably as we're all each other sees for most of the week.  All of the classes he attends are only 30-45 minutes long so they're nothing in the grand scheme of things although including travel time we're out of the house for 2-3 hours.  I'm still very much his only company unless we get a visitor which I'm so grateful for as they can pique my son's interest and I get a break from thinking of things to do.  

A mother's work truly is never done and I do love my son deeply, but I also love eating, being able to shower and when my husband gets home from work so I can have just a little me time.  It's amazing how much more energy I have when I get one of those things or even all three of them and don't get me started on recovered sleep!