A couple of weeks ago I read an article which I have been thinking about a lot. Basically, an amazing mother saw a struggling young mother of 23 and helped her in her "what the f*ck have I done?" moment and then goes on to describe how mothers are given a hard time. The whole story is here and if like me you really struggled and probably still are struggling to get to grips with motherhood, this is well worth a read; to help you realise you're ok and people should just back off sometimes and appreciate what an amazing job you're doing:
https://m.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1638335349826649&id=1560241024302749
Quite understandably this has gone viral and not only am I all for women helping other women but it makes me feel like there are good people in this world, not the disgusting excuses for human beings we see on the news.
When I was pregnant, I was so excited to be having a baby. I had waited for so long and I loved my changing body and being able to feel my little baby growing and moving. I also loved the pizza, a lot. Fast forward to when I had my son, I didn't really think anything was wrong. I was struggling to come to terms with the fact I had just had a baby, I was overwhelmed, inexperienced and I felt frozen, I didn't know what to do. I thought all parents felt like this when they first had a baby. I stayed indoors for the first 12 weeks only venturing out when I had to to doctors or nurses appointments. I would shower and get straight back into my pyjamas again and I practically lived in my dressing gown. I didn't really want to see anyone/have anyone see me and I was desperate for my husband to come home from work every day that I would practically clock watch. I would get asked by the parents (both sets) if I had just woken up and why I was still in my pyjamas. Firstly, that's none of your business. Secondly, I had gained so much weight in pregnancy none of my clothes actually fit and I couldn't bring myself to dress properly. I hated my body and I couldn't bear to look at it. Could I say that out loud? No but I shouldn't have had to. I know people will say, oh it's a different generation, blah blah blah but does that really excuse looking down on someone who has just had a baby? Also, are you telling me I am expected to dress up for my baby even though we're not going out anywhere and be ready to receive people should they decide to turn up on my doorstep? I don't think so. This is indeed a different generation and one that realises when people need help and/or just silent support.
A year and a half on I'm still hard on myself, I'm still learning every day and I still think I could be a better mum but my son still keeps running after me, cuddling me, affectionately poking me, climbs into my lap with a book for me to read with him and kisses me without being asked so I've got to be doing something right, right? I still have barely any mummy friends, I still struggle to make small talk with other mums but I'm nowhere near the shell of myself I was a mere year and a bit ago. Yes I've had support from family (albeit not silent unfortunately) and I'm lucky enough to have an extremely supportive and patient husband who is not silent but that's a good thing but I have needed a lot of help to get me here. My heart goes out to those who don't have the support. My husband and I have questioned many times how people do this alone and we only have the one child.
If I am ever in the situation part-time working mummy is and I'm not having a breakdown myself, I will definitely help another mum in need. Reading the comments alone has helped me see I am not alone and neither are you. While there are definitely trolls in this world either online or in your own family, you can do this. I can do this. We can all do this and we can all do this together.
~AB~
Quite understandably this has gone viral and not only am I all for women helping other women but it makes me feel like there are good people in this world, not the disgusting excuses for human beings we see on the news.
When I was pregnant, I was so excited to be having a baby. I had waited for so long and I loved my changing body and being able to feel my little baby growing and moving. I also loved the pizza, a lot. Fast forward to when I had my son, I didn't really think anything was wrong. I was struggling to come to terms with the fact I had just had a baby, I was overwhelmed, inexperienced and I felt frozen, I didn't know what to do. I thought all parents felt like this when they first had a baby. I stayed indoors for the first 12 weeks only venturing out when I had to to doctors or nurses appointments. I would shower and get straight back into my pyjamas again and I practically lived in my dressing gown. I didn't really want to see anyone/have anyone see me and I was desperate for my husband to come home from work every day that I would practically clock watch. I would get asked by the parents (both sets) if I had just woken up and why I was still in my pyjamas. Firstly, that's none of your business. Secondly, I had gained so much weight in pregnancy none of my clothes actually fit and I couldn't bring myself to dress properly. I hated my body and I couldn't bear to look at it. Could I say that out loud? No but I shouldn't have had to. I know people will say, oh it's a different generation, blah blah blah but does that really excuse looking down on someone who has just had a baby? Also, are you telling me I am expected to dress up for my baby even though we're not going out anywhere and be ready to receive people should they decide to turn up on my doorstep? I don't think so. This is indeed a different generation and one that realises when people need help and/or just silent support.
A year and a half on I'm still hard on myself, I'm still learning every day and I still think I could be a better mum but my son still keeps running after me, cuddling me, affectionately poking me, climbs into my lap with a book for me to read with him and kisses me without being asked so I've got to be doing something right, right? I still have barely any mummy friends, I still struggle to make small talk with other mums but I'm nowhere near the shell of myself I was a mere year and a bit ago. Yes I've had support from family (albeit not silent unfortunately) and I'm lucky enough to have an extremely supportive and patient husband who is not silent but that's a good thing but I have needed a lot of help to get me here. My heart goes out to those who don't have the support. My husband and I have questioned many times how people do this alone and we only have the one child.
If I am ever in the situation part-time working mummy is and I'm not having a breakdown myself, I will definitely help another mum in need. Reading the comments alone has helped me see I am not alone and neither are you. While there are definitely trolls in this world either online or in your own family, you can do this. I can do this. We can all do this and we can all do this together.
~AB~
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