As you may or may not have seen my first post of the new year was about... pushchairs. There will be no posts about resolutions and how I intend to change just because it's a brand new year I'm afraid.
My whole life has been spent giving career and lifestyle deadlines and demanding changes of myself within unrealistic timescales. What I have learnt is that sometimes as long as I have a goal, I need to let things happen themselves. Having my son has changed so many things for me, my body, my lifestyle but most importantly, the way I think. I was an impatient person, always wanting to be in control and always wanting things my way. Since my son's birth I have felt the change in me. I'm not saying that I have had an epiphany but I am definitely more patient, a little more understanding and I have even become more relaxed about the organisation of my social life to the point that friends have commented it's not like me not to know and have planned every element. It's also not that I have become lazy or bored with life but priorities have meant I need to be more realistic with planning everything. My son appears to have my impatience and my controlling nature which has too forced me to adapt. Two of us with those same personality traits would not make any situation a comfortable one.
I have been working on myself for quite some time and more so in last 6 or so months and there have been many moments where I have felt that I had changed a little for the better. Take for example my son snapping my white gold necklace where I could have lost my rag but I knew it wasn't his fault. He was curious and also holding onto something of mine made me feel closer to him. Old me would have been furious. New me was like, oh well just another thing to get fixed! On the physical side, I wasn't exactly skinny before I fell pregnant and then during pregnancy I fell in love with pizza so as you can imagine, after pregnancy I shouldn't have been surprised at my size but it was a shock and yes I was very down about it for a long time. I didn't feel myself and I knew I had to shift the weight for the sake of my own health and now here I am, much lighter and although I'm still very very wobbly, I'm much happier in myself. I will get rid of this sagging belly skin though if it is the last thing I do (through exercise and healthy eating and nothing else).
Things have changed and I have changed. It hasn't taken a brand new year, it has taken the birth of a child and my effect on him and his life. I expect in 2016, I will change even more and hopefully for the better as I watch my son reach his second birthday and hopefully regain back some of my sanity as this baby brain business is like torture for my inner control freak. So no, I won't be making any resolutions this year but what I will do is continue to take care of me and those around me, I will strive to make me a better me for the sake of my son and if it takes years then so be it, but if it can happen this year then great. I won't hold my breath and I won't be setting any deadlines for it anymore.
Happy and healthy 2016 to you and if you're striving for a better you too, I'm wishing you all the best.
~AB~
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