The second child itch

I have heard from a lot of people around now is the time I will start feeling "the itch".   My son is 18 months, he's a little more independent and apparently I will miss having a baby around as I can no longer treat him like one.  As I have mentioned in an earlier post I am happy with us being a three and that if that were to change then great but it won't be any earlier than when I'm ready for it. 

I have seen many changes in my husband and my son over the coming months, I know it is a developmental change but my son is obsessed with babies, he finds them fascinating and thinks all babies cry, which to him is funny.  My husband on the other hand, is trying his hardest not to show it but he is broody for another baby.  He has held two of our friends babies and I had seen that look before when our son was first born, if he had ovaries they would have exploded.  As someone politely put it, the only one standing in the way of another baby is me. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly want my son to be an only child but I'm happy with the way things are right now.  I have made no illusion about the fact I find parenting hard and the older my son gets the more difficult I seem to find dealing with him.  He seems to currently be going through a stage of finding and pushing all of my buttons so by the time my husband is home for work, I can barely even look at my son.  How could I bring another baby into something like that? I said to my sister today, if I had another baby and I feel this way towards my son he would get neglected and I don't want that to happen.  I very much want a close family and for my son to embrace a sibling and feel helpful and just as loved but now is just not the time.  I am still not physically or emotionally ready.

I also hear a lot that when you have the second one it's easier, but isn't that just what everyone says? What if my second one is worse? One friend admitted their older child is struggling to sleep and they actually get kept up at night by the 2 year old instead of their 5 month old baby who sleeps through.  Another admitted they had help bathing both children as the older one refused to be bathed when his 4 month old sibling was bathed.  This doesn't sound like something I am ready to get into right now.  I know it won't be smooth sailing when I have another child but I'm officially scaremongered.  I'm sure in the coming months we will see if my opinion changes but I wish people would stop asking when I'm having another baby.  I'm just not ready and no amount of selling it will do that for me. 

~AB~