Not long after I had my son, I was awakened to the world of "parent shaming". This might be a phrase that has been around for a long time and I didn't know about it but I certainly know the concept of it has been around forever. To be clear, the kind of shaming I'm talking about is the kind where people outwardly judge other people's forms of parenting because they don't agree with it or don't think it's effective enough. You've done it I'm sure, where you've seen a child being bratty, the mother is either ignoring them or disciplining them but either way you're thinking, "I wouldn't do that". Yes, you might be saying it in your head but your eyes and stares speak volumes. Another example of this is the concept of attachment parenting. I used to be very judgy about it until I became a parent. Whilst I vowed never to do it myself, I have learnt that judging people for doing it is not right and it is entirely their prerogative. Also, my sister-in-law has unintentionally ended up attachment parenting our nephew. She has been trying to get out of it because people have stuck their two pennies worth in and told her she's wrong for letting her son share their bed but has come to the conclusion that as long as her son is happy, she's happy and he will grow out of it eventually anyway.
One thing that does get me, is the opinions of those close to us. I say opinions because that is what they are entirely. Noone is forcing their methods of parenting onto me but it certainly feels like they are. From my understanding, a lot has changed in the parenting world and Government advice/family circumstances are different now from 5 years ago let alone 30 years ago, but does that give people that have had children before and raised them to adulthood, the right to criticise my parenting? It's one thing being judged by an outsider but something else entirely when it's within your own circle. Nodding and smiling to unwarranted advice and comments don't come easily to me and when I do do it, I still feel myself replaying their words over and over as if it were a personal attack. I get that I sound overly sensitive but sometimes it does get a bit much to deal with and I find myself needing to walk away from it.
What I have learnt in 13 months of motherhood is that there is no specific path of parenthood. Everyone does things in a way that suit them. This may sound like common sense but it's something I need to remind myself of every day instead of criticising my own actions as a parent and constantly comparing myself to others. When I first became a parent, I spent the first couple of months in a dressing gown and pyjamas because to be quite frank, none of my clothes fit me properly, I hated my body shape and I needed the looseness of pyjamas for comfort while I recovered and to hide myself. Also though, I mainly just wanted to make sure my son was fed and clean and happy so who cares what I wore doing it. It turns out people who have done it before do but this little meme helped me ignore the comments... hilarious right? The fact that this even exists suggests other people felt the same as me when their baby was just born.
Noone should be parent shamed for trying their hardest and making it work as best as they can. If you do find it getting a bit much, I'm here. Us anxious parents need to stick together for the reassurance that you're doing a great job and you are amazing.
~AB~
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