They say when you turn 30 or at least by the time you're in your 30s you know what you want and you care less about other people's opinion. At the moment that's not 100% true for me at least not the caring about other opinions but I more or less know what I want out of life now that I'm a mother.
I don't think there will ever come a time where I don't feel affected by other's perceptions and opinions. For me it's human nature and if people don't like how much it affects me then don't speak to me! Being dumped by "friends" is one thing that is like water off a ducks back with me, I have true friends that I love and who love me so I don't need pretenders. Family members and their opinions about parenting however, cut me like a knife and I find it very hard to ignore.
Before baby, I thought I would try and be Beyoncé. To have it all, the career, the husband and the gorgeous baby. Since my son's birth I now realise I'm Adele, I have the husband, the gorgeous baby and work plays second fiddle. I'm not saying Beyoncé is better than Adele, just that her priorities are different (I'm also not saying she puts work above Blue Ivy as that's not true either I'm sure). I work because I love to challenge my brain and also I need the money, but if it wasn't about the money it would be to have a change. I think that to develop the relationship my son and I have, I need to be someone else for a day or two to devote my mum-self to him entirely.
For me personally, I do not have the time, energy or even inclination to further my career. I did before my baby but now, any study time to develop myself would be time away from my son. Maybe in the future I will change my mind but this is not my priority. This doesn't mean I'm a bum and I will just do my 9 to 5 with barely any effort so as to get through the day. That just isn't me. What this does mean is that, whilst I'm happy to learn what my technical colleagues do all day and what they work on, I will not be assisting them in doing it. I will always be a team player but the extent of this is now greatly reduced.
What I want is to have a relationship with my son and husband where they know that I love them both unconditionally. What I want is to have a house I'm proud to live in, to say that I worked hard to have it and that it's in an area where I don't feel unsafe. I want to have friends who love me for me, to be surrounded by love and to be able to trust and have a support system. I have all of these things and I do not want to lose any of them. Aside from being financially comfortable, which I think the whole world wants, I could not want for anything else.
For me personally, I do not have the time, energy or even inclination to further my career. I did before my baby but now, any study time to develop myself would be time away from my son. Maybe in the future I will change my mind but this is not my priority. This doesn't mean I'm a bum and I will just do my 9 to 5 with barely any effort so as to get through the day. That just isn't me. What this does mean is that, whilst I'm happy to learn what my technical colleagues do all day and what they work on, I will not be assisting them in doing it. I will always be a team player but the extent of this is now greatly reduced.
What I want is to have a relationship with my son and husband where they know that I love them both unconditionally. What I want is to have a house I'm proud to live in, to say that I worked hard to have it and that it's in an area where I don't feel unsafe. I want to have friends who love me for me, to be surrounded by love and to be able to trust and have a support system. I have all of these things and I do not want to lose any of them. Aside from being financially comfortable, which I think the whole world wants, I could not want for anything else.
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