I have long been stuck in a rut at work awaiting a challenging enough role that will both develop my skills and expand my knowledge but most importantly, keep me busy. To date, aside from my very first job where unfortunately they had to close all offices in the south of England, none of the roles I have occupied since have been enough. I have often wondered if I am purposely being held back to keep companies from having to recruit further or whether it's purely that the management are all short-sighted. The only other role that provided me with significant change was the one I left after my maternity leave ended. Why would I leave a job like that? Allow me to explain what it was like a mere 6 months before I fell pregnant.
Effectively I started in an administrative role and asked to progress; to be clear I have no degree or diplomas in anything just my A levels and GCSEs and a whole lot of enthusiasm - my manager excitedly agreed and paid for both courses I asked to join onto. Firstly, I should note that he was very keen on promoting from within, his number 2 was a steely woman who I admittedly idolised and wished I could be like (aside from some of the outbursts she would have when frustrated) and secondly our company were pushed to the limits so no one had the capacity to oversee/mentor me, especially not my manager. The foundation course I passed with flying colours and eagerly enrolled onto the advanced course then, a number of things happened: our company took on a "small" project of soft refurbishing more than 50 rooms in a hotel, I realised I might have bitten off more than I could chew with the course, my manager's personal life took a turn which started a spiral of unreliability and the project I was currently working on, assisting a team suddenly got a whole lot busier. Now, you're possibly thinking what has the project got to do with me? I was told to manage it, that's what. Long story short, I dropped a lot of balls and the project was renegotiated so everything I did was heavily overseen, failed my exam (but only by 5 marks) and my mental health seriously suffered in a way I had to seek help for a mere year later.
I blamed myself for a very long time for being incompetent, especially as it was implied by my manager (who was nowhere to be found when I asked for things to be proofread before everything started going wrong) that it was an easy project and maybe I'm not cut out for the job. Another colleague then asked why I had even put myself forward for the advanced course when it is meant for those who are experienced in Project Management. It took me a long time to realise that it wasn't me but the situation I was put in. Needless to say this was not the kind of situation I wanted to be put back into on my return to work especially now I have a child so I managed to find something else and left. The role I'm now in is unfortunately mind-numbing and despite only working two days a week there honestly isn't enough work for the two of us nor is there anything else I could get involved in without a qualification. The entire company are creative except, it appears, for me. I used to think I was but compared to these people I might as well have no imagination.
I'm not adverse to learning or studying to further myself but my circumstances dictate my ability to learn and also, the things I enjoy learning about have no connection (history - specifically the Tudors, Victorian England and Napoleon, buildings and their constructional methods and interior design) so it wouldn't even be to further myself in an existing role. I've never been passionate about one particular field or envisioned myself being something specific when I got older so I am still trying to figure a lot out. I do pick up a lot quickly and I also enjoy being more hands on wherever I work, if I'm allowed to that is.
I received an email a couple of weeks ago which had a link for a free course at Shaw Academy where you can choose from a large variety of subjects and walk away with a diploma at the end of it. It's distance learning by live webinar but they also record the lessons so you can watch them back if you miss anything or can't attend the live streaming. I obviously jumped at this opportunity as it's free and a chance to better myself, also it means I can study on my terms, when my son is asleep or when my husband gets home without missing out on any of the course material. I have signed up for Foundation Graphic Design and I cannot wait to see what I will be able to do at the end of the course. I have already learnt so much but my final exam isn't till 6th June so I have many more classes to watch. The most recent classes have been an introduction to Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop where we were talked through the basics of using them and then asked to practice. I found it remarkable how much I could recall as I practiced on the software and although optional, I felt I needed to do the assignments to see how far I could push myself. The week's assignments were to create a poster, a composite image and a new logo. Our tutor Kevin, made a composite out of three images, a lighthouse, a choppy dark sea complete with dramatic skyline and some birds. The end product looked fantastic and so powerful. In contrast, I chose a moon at sunset and an image of my son pressed up against our back door trying to interact with our neighbour's cat.
The logo is also done and I still need to do the poster but for first attempts I don't think they're that bad! I have emailed them through to my course mentor for constructive feedback so I can further improve the images and my knowledge. I'm not sure where this course will take me once I'm done but one thing is for sure, I won't be sitting back and waiting for work all day if I can design things to occupy me instead.
~AB~
