Big girls don't cry

Except that they do cry and that's ok. Even in public (to an extent).  Bear with me and I will explain. 

Taking my son to nursery was absolutely fine at first until separation anxiety started setting in and my son is now inconsolable.  He is or at least seemed to be an independent baby and he is happy to entertain himself if I need to leave the room briefly to make a fresh milk etc.  I always thought with separation anxiety it was something some babies went through and some babies don't but let me dispel the illusion for you, ALL babies go through it.  The fact that they all do doesn't make it any easier however and it breaks my heart watching my baby crying for me and reaching out but not able to come to me as I have to leave him behind.  As with everything, I always hear, "it will get easier" or "oh it's just a phase" but it's not that easy for me to dismiss. 

On the positive side however this has meant my unaffectionate son wants more cuddles and kisses when usually he would literally push or facepalm me away (and no I am not joking, he really does do this already) so I am more than willing to oblige!  Who doesn't want to smother their baby in love or maybe that's why he pushes me away because I'm too much?  Anyway I digress. 

Absence does make the heart grow fonder when it comes to working life and my son.  Whilst I do wonder what he's up to during the day I don't feel I am obsessive about it and as I have reassured my friend whose son will also be going to nursery soon, I think it does help with your relationship.  I do believe that I have more patience and more energy when I do spend time with him and he would benefit from that more than if I were to be home full time.  I also believe I'm developing his independence by not having him spend every waking moment with me.  I know I will always be his mother and noone will ever take that place, I also know there is unconditional love between us and that will never change.  I guess what I'm trying to say is, and maybe this is me reassuring myself, that it's ok to cry over my son upset that he's leaving me.  If we didn't love each other we wouldn't be so upset.  My separation anxiety too is just a phase and a normal and natural one.  The baby I have lovingly nurtured since conception is now like me becoming more independent and I should be proud that this is another feat he will be achieving in his development.  He will always need me even if it's just for advice or a babysitter for his children and if like me you have cried for your grown up baby, it's ok to cry.  Have a tissue on me and a high five for independent babies. 

~AB~