Christmas and the 2s

My son is now officially 2.  Of course he begun his transition way before he was 2 and his speech is amazing so he can tell us many things that are wrong etc but I'm not going to knock it as he can tell us exactly what it is that he needs.  He received a toy grand piano for Christmas (that is another story) as he loves to sing and dance and treated us to a rendition of the Wheels on the Bus which again for his age is amazing.  I cannot believe he has got to this landmark so quickly, it seems like yesterday I was pregnant and here he is, my own little whirlwind with his own personality and character.  It's easy to see the traits he has picked up from my husband and I... my short patience and inquisitiveness and my husband's charm and sense of humour but he is so much his own person and it's fascinating to see what we have created together.  

This year we took him to see the steam trains at North Weald and he has his very own ride on the Santa Special, gorging on his mince pie at 10am while Santa handed him a present.  From what I can tell he had a lovely time and I'm really hoping that despite how bitterly cold it was he will have some warm memories of it.   If you're ever in the area and you're a huge lover of trains I would definitely recommend it! They also have a vintage bus that can collect you from either Epping or Ongar stations as they have limited parking on site. 

http://eorailway.co.uk/

The train ride was then followed up by lunch in a local pub and then everyone was back to ours after naptime for dinner around 4 which consisted of an oriental themed buffet and Christmas tipples!  As per our new tradition, I made my son's cake and modelled it on a cake I had seen online.  Unfortunately, I left it too late to buy a 2 cake tin, but some of the mum's on the local mums group helped me out with this amazing diagram:

And so, without further ado, here is the cake in stages (I didn't photograph after I filled it):

 

I apologise for the mess you can see in the background but I think given that I finished at 1.30am on the morning of my son's birthday, it doesn't look too shabby! The recipes were courtesy of:

Cake: Aliciak @ Instructables
Filling: All about Chantelle 

I kid you not the cake came out amazingly and even the dairy eaters couldn't tell it was vegan, it also kept for a really long time without going hard or drying out which was also amazing.  For the filling, to keep it dairy free I used Flora Dairy Free butter but it didn't make a difference as again everyone could taste exactly what I was aiming for which was Terry's chocolate orange!  As you can probably see, I had a little trouble when cutting it up and moving it about as the cake started splitting but I don't think you can tell from the finished product and I certainly didn't think about it when I was stuffing it in my mouth.  Another year, another cake but I think these recipes will be used many more times, they were so very easy. 

Christmas here well there isn't too much to report.  It was a lovely quiet one just the three of us and so I made food I know we all love.  Ribs for my little boy and pork belly for me and the husband followed by cheesecake for the dairy eaters and free from chocolate logs for me.  It was a lovely relaxing day and to be honest it topped of an exhausting week, we all went to bed early that night and felt much better for it.  Presents-wise, my son got absolutely spoilt by family as per usual although they all mostly stuck to the list I provided of his favourites so far he was given a car transporter truck full of cars, a train set and a baby Grand Piano (birthday present but still a favourite).  He loved the scooter we got him and has managed to teach himself pretty quickly how to ride it so I cannot wait till he's less full of cold and he can have a go outside.  For me, I asked for a new bag and purse... my son has the best taste:

Happy holidays and hope you have an amazing 2017.

~AB~

Wedding music

Music was a massive thing at our wedding.  Both my husband and I love to sing and although some of our tastes in music differ, we can wholeheartedly agree on Motown and R&B.  When it came to devising music lists for our wedding however, it was so difficult to pick favourites.  My husband and I don't have a particular song which means something to us so we literally had the choice of anything we wanted (except anything that had religious connotations as we had a civil ceremony).  I did originally want to walk down the aisle to Ave Maria but unfortunately due to that rule I couldn't.  We had a lot of Vitamin String Quartet songs because they're amazing and also a lot of the soundtrack of Love Actually.  I walked down the aisle to Eva Cassidy's Songbird and it still makes me cry listening to it as her voice is so beautiful.  Also if you've ever seen the film... Karl.

I have no idea what it will be like for my brother and future sister-in-law and picking music.   Their taste isn't a million miles off of what I currently listen to but they will have a completely different audience than we did.  There has also been talks of a steel band for part of the wedding.

If you need a little inspiration or are simply curious about what I would listen to, here youtubes of two of my absolutely faves (one of which I am singing in my head right now):

And this is the song we ended the night on because "see they don't do this anymore":

Light reading

I am loving this emergence of mothers who feel they can be honest with the world about how hard parenthood truly is.  In fact, Dads have twitter feeds and instagrams with hilarious anecdotes and images that could only come from a parent's camera/experience.   These writings, books and images have given me solace over the last few months so, if like me, you're not quite feeling your best and could do with some cheering up, I hope these help:

Reasons my son is crying: https://twitter.com/reasonsmysoncry
Queens of Constance: http://queensofconstance.com/
Renegade Mothering: http://www.renegademothering.com/
Selfish Mother: http://www.selfishmother.com/
James Breakwell: https://twitter.com/xplodingunicorn
Weird Couples (I am loyal to the original couple and couldn't warm to the new ones - also I totally didn't cry when I found out they were expecting...): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0PtUxA4JeEJErMmcXRhGdM5h9FblUkI3

Weddings, weddings, weddings

I wish I could get married all over again.  I frequently beg my husband to let us renew our vows in Las Vegas.  So far, as I'm sure you can surmise, I have been unsuccessful but I will wear him down and it will happen I'm sure.

The main reason I love weddings so much is probably the research - creating the perfect day of romance but trying to add each of the bride and grooms' personalities in so it's more personal.

My brother-in-law proposed to his girlfriend last Christmas and ever since then she has been slowly pinning ideas to pinterest and gathering inspiration... that unfortunately is as far as everything has gone.   When they last visited us in London she made it clear she didn't have the inclination to do any planning and was hoping someone else would do it for her... I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.  I have spent the last couple of weeks researching venues and the legalities of weddings in Barbados and I have absolutely loved it!  We were all in Barbados a couple of weeks ago and spent an entire day viewing venues.  The weather was horrific but I loved every moment of it.  I put my wedding planning hat on, tried to ask as many questions as possible at each of the venues and managed to narrow down even further exactly what it is that my future sister-in-law wants out of her day.

While the day itself is still another two years away, I cannot wait.  Every spare moment I get for planning will be just as exciting as when it was my own wedding.  Armed with her pinterest page, the budget and my ideas I'm so excited to make her dreams come true and although it's a lot of pressure I will pull it off no matter what it takes.

If you are planning your own holiday abroad, here are some of the venues we have considered:

Bougainvillea Beach Resort

Sugar Bay

The Cliff Restaurant

Cobblers Cove

The Crane Resort

Let me explain...

It has been a while I know and whilst I am making a concerted effort not to make excuses I feel... I should explain.

Obviously I have never made it a secret that I struggle with motherhood, the increasing pressure (probably self-inflicted) makes me feel like a terrible mother daily.  The outpourings on social media of celebrity mothers who themselves are also struggling does serve to ease my mind a little but it is still a daily struggle.

Whilst I am not saying I have post natal depression (as I don't), I am exhibiting a lot of the signs of it but these "feelings" have been around long before my son, I just failed to do much about it instead putting it down to unhappiness or circumstance.  This month has been a "down" month, where I have struggled to do many things, including what I would deem to be a fun mum.  I have signed back up with my kinesiologist to get myself back in order and to an extent that was successful as I had my first and second home painting session with my son in the last couple of weeks that went without a hitch. Until my body started rejecting the new remedies I have been taking and I am now back to square one.  Joy.

When I was younger (like my late teens, early 20s), I had so much enthusiasm and wanted to learn so much from everywhere all of the time.  I have never been a university person, I did go for a year but it really wasn't for me but I love to learn.  I suppose you could say that my thirst for knowledge and learning has never truly waned but my enthusiasm definitely has.  I approach new jobs like a giddy school girl, excited and wide eyed, ready to take on anything.  Usually within the first two weeks, that excitements fades as I am left with the realisation that the company have no intention of letting me learn more than my actual job role and their own disenchantment becomes contagious.  Years of this I suppose have worn me down.

Then there is the social aspect.  I am the organiser, the planner.  I always have been.  Before my son, I was the one who arranged outings, coordinated friends' diaries so we could all meet up and make sure we had gone to that bar that does those amazing cocktails or eaten that weird combination of ice cream that only hipster pop-up bars have etc.  When I started my maternity leave... nothing happened. No one arranged anything, people contacted me to see how I was etc but I am assuming people thought I would be so consumed with motherhood I wouldn't be able to actually go out ever again.  In fact, that was when I needed to go out the most, when I was still in the early stages of motherhood, when my son did nothing but literally drink, sleep and poop and was easy to take care of, before I realised this was not what motherhood was supposed to feel like.  Whilst I love all of my friends, I often feel very much alone.

Maybe to an outsider it is obvious but to me I couldn't see that anything was wrong with anything in my life.  I have a very nice life, my husband is supportive, patient and helpful, my son seems to be trying his hardest not to be a tearaway, I have a good relationship with my sister, my friends are great, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge.  Life could obviously be a lot worse and I am grateful yet so sad that I don't seem grateful.

As I am writing this, I am indeed, sad.  I don't wish for sympathy or a cuddle I just feel the need to say it out loud.  That does not mean to say this is it for my online diary but I feel like I am spinning so many plates at the moment.  Once I can settle myself, successfully celebrate our family's first holiday and my son's second birthday then maybe things will be a little more calm.  Roll on 2017, I'm so over 2016 already.

~AB~

Christmas ideas

My sister and I went to an event called StylistLive last week.  Stylist (the host company) is a free magazine which launched not so many moons ago and has become my bible ever since.  I absolutely love the articles and most importantly their lists at the beginning of every magazine.  The lust lists.  There are always so many amazing things on there and I dream of owning them.  StylistLive was an exhibition where there were talks, stalls for buying things and catwalk shows - my kind of place.  I had vegan cupcakes, what seemed like the largest Greek salad I have ever eaten and attended a talk about blogging.  They had absolutely everything there and I cannot wait for the one in 2017. 

(Turn down the sound, this was by a main road!)

Anyway, as I am apparently a loyal reader I was given two free tickets to attend two of their quieter days and I jumped at the opportunity.   Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of the vegan cupcakes but I can assure you they were lovely! My sister, who was initially annoyed at being invited as she had to begrudgingly take a day off work (she is self-employed), enjoyed herself and even got to attend a talk about house buying which left her feeling a little more optimistic about home ownership.  To put it into perspective, our news outlets regularly report that first time buyers of homes will only be able to buy in their 40s due to affordability (in London).

That aside, there were some amazing stands for me to start my Christmas shopping.  Notonthehighstreet, which is similar to Etsy showcased their most popular picks on their site and offered the opportunity to personalise jewellery for free.  My sister fell in love with their necklaces and she is now the proud owner of a rose gold personalised pendant just like this but at the back of the pic:

I also intend to buy a sweatshirt for my son like this (with a floral applique instead of camo) from Edy & Bridge who are on Etsy:

And they have also agreed to make a personalised order for me so my son can have his birthday number sweatshirt just like last year!

I dislike buying samey things every year and I love everyone to have something a little bit more personal.  I love both of these as they will be as unique as the person wearing them.  Other things I will be buying this Christmas are:

A Nintendo Mini - for my long suffering husband

Buckaroo - for my nephew

National Geographic's Big Book of Why - for my inquisitive little brother
(I'm also getting their Space one too for him)

An amazing informative and fun lift the flap book - for my husband's Godson

And a very boring but very useful gift card for my mum

I'm still racking my brain as to what to get my Dad.  I absolutely love Christmas and I will hopefully be finishing a couple of projects which I will post up here when we're done.

Oh and before I forget, because you know Christmas actually starts on 1st December, my son will be getting his very first advent calendar, which looks like this...

Instead of chocolate they are mini Thomas the Tank Engine trains and the box unfolds into a train track!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!

~AB~

Life always gets in the way

I won't make excuses, I have dropped the ball a little bit.  At home, here, in life.  Everything seems to be happening all at once and I am literally just keeping the balls in the air. 

This week, my husband has been away with work and I thought I could genuinely handle just my son and I being that it was only 3 days and 5 nights.  These are the three days in a very long time he has decided he will do literally everything we have ever told him not to and I am exhausted.  I do not know how single parents do it so props to them.  I will admit right now I lost my temper, on more than once occasion.  I have had to step away from the situation on more than one occasion and yesterday... the naughty step happened because, I won't admit this to the enemy (my son) but I was defeated.  I am a strong believer in using the power of words to discipline a child especially as my parents did not feel that way but then again they are of a very very different generation.  That all being said, I am pretty sure I handled this week waaaaay better than a year ago me would have so self-five to that!

So the changes.  Well I have joined a choir for one.  This was my third week and I absolutely love it.  I have been looking for one to join for a very long time and despite the fact the majority of women are retired, they're all so young-minded and fun and it reminds me of what I have been missing all of this time.  I loved to sing at school and in fact my husband has said on more than one occasion I have the weird ability of knowing the lyrics to a ridiculous amount of songs.  As a mum, it's nice to have that me time and I know I'm really really lucky to have it.  I am really looking forward to Christmas when we have a bunch of concerts lined up and my family can hear us.

My husband has been in transition, moving to a new company and learning the ropes all over again.  He finished his stint as a stay at home dad in the last couple of weeks while I took on some more hours at work to help out and I think despite loving the bonding time with our son, he was relieved to be back having adult conversation again.  I think the whole experience has been a bit of an eye opener for the whole family.  I am pretty certain I need to find my niche away from my current company and pursue it with all of my energy.  I know there is something out there that will challenge my mind, that I will enjoy and will also pay me for the pleasure. 

Finally my son has started up music classes for toddlers, he doesn't seem to enjoy it and seems to spend the whole class desperately trying not to interact.  This is the same boy who dances to the radio and sings twinkle, twinkle and no more monkeys jumping on the bed to me.  I do not understand him.  While the classes are more about the introduction of instruments, structure and listening through music, I am getting the impression my son just does not like the structure.  Unfortunately, this tough as my son is going to have to learn a class environment in the next two years.

I realise this doesn't sound like a lot at all (there is probably more I cannot think of right now) but these and mothering have kept me so busy.   I cannot wait for this weekend and hopefully having a lie in.  I will definitely be counting my blessings, my husband will be back again.   What have you been up to? Anything exciting?

~AB~