Weddings, weddings, weddings

I wish I could get married all over again.  I frequently beg my husband to let us renew our vows in Las Vegas.  So far, as I'm sure you can surmise, I have been unsuccessful but I will wear him down and it will happen I'm sure.

The main reason I love weddings so much is probably the research - creating the perfect day of romance but trying to add each of the bride and grooms' personalities in so it's more personal.

My brother-in-law proposed to his girlfriend last Christmas and ever since then she has been slowly pinning ideas to pinterest and gathering inspiration... that unfortunately is as far as everything has gone.   When they last visited us in London she made it clear she didn't have the inclination to do any planning and was hoping someone else would do it for her... I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.  I have spent the last couple of weeks researching venues and the legalities of weddings in Barbados and I have absolutely loved it!  We were all in Barbados a couple of weeks ago and spent an entire day viewing venues.  The weather was horrific but I loved every moment of it.  I put my wedding planning hat on, tried to ask as many questions as possible at each of the venues and managed to narrow down even further exactly what it is that my future sister-in-law wants out of her day.

While the day itself is still another two years away, I cannot wait.  Every spare moment I get for planning will be just as exciting as when it was my own wedding.  Armed with her pinterest page, the budget and my ideas I'm so excited to make her dreams come true and although it's a lot of pressure I will pull it off no matter what it takes.

If you are planning your own holiday abroad, here are some of the venues we have considered:

Bougainvillea Beach Resort

Sugar Bay

The Cliff Restaurant

Cobblers Cove

The Crane Resort

Let me explain...

It has been a while I know and whilst I am making a concerted effort not to make excuses I feel... I should explain.

Obviously I have never made it a secret that I struggle with motherhood, the increasing pressure (probably self-inflicted) makes me feel like a terrible mother daily.  The outpourings on social media of celebrity mothers who themselves are also struggling does serve to ease my mind a little but it is still a daily struggle.

Whilst I am not saying I have post natal depression (as I don't), I am exhibiting a lot of the signs of it but these "feelings" have been around long before my son, I just failed to do much about it instead putting it down to unhappiness or circumstance.  This month has been a "down" month, where I have struggled to do many things, including what I would deem to be a fun mum.  I have signed back up with my kinesiologist to get myself back in order and to an extent that was successful as I had my first and second home painting session with my son in the last couple of weeks that went without a hitch. Until my body started rejecting the new remedies I have been taking and I am now back to square one.  Joy.

When I was younger (like my late teens, early 20s), I had so much enthusiasm and wanted to learn so much from everywhere all of the time.  I have never been a university person, I did go for a year but it really wasn't for me but I love to learn.  I suppose you could say that my thirst for knowledge and learning has never truly waned but my enthusiasm definitely has.  I approach new jobs like a giddy school girl, excited and wide eyed, ready to take on anything.  Usually within the first two weeks, that excitements fades as I am left with the realisation that the company have no intention of letting me learn more than my actual job role and their own disenchantment becomes contagious.  Years of this I suppose have worn me down.

Then there is the social aspect.  I am the organiser, the planner.  I always have been.  Before my son, I was the one who arranged outings, coordinated friends' diaries so we could all meet up and make sure we had gone to that bar that does those amazing cocktails or eaten that weird combination of ice cream that only hipster pop-up bars have etc.  When I started my maternity leave... nothing happened. No one arranged anything, people contacted me to see how I was etc but I am assuming people thought I would be so consumed with motherhood I wouldn't be able to actually go out ever again.  In fact, that was when I needed to go out the most, when I was still in the early stages of motherhood, when my son did nothing but literally drink, sleep and poop and was easy to take care of, before I realised this was not what motherhood was supposed to feel like.  Whilst I love all of my friends, I often feel very much alone.

Maybe to an outsider it is obvious but to me I couldn't see that anything was wrong with anything in my life.  I have a very nice life, my husband is supportive, patient and helpful, my son seems to be trying his hardest not to be a tearaway, I have a good relationship with my sister, my friends are great, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge.  Life could obviously be a lot worse and I am grateful yet so sad that I don't seem grateful.

As I am writing this, I am indeed, sad.  I don't wish for sympathy or a cuddle I just feel the need to say it out loud.  That does not mean to say this is it for my online diary but I feel like I am spinning so many plates at the moment.  Once I can settle myself, successfully celebrate our family's first holiday and my son's second birthday then maybe things will be a little more calm.  Roll on 2017, I'm so over 2016 already.

~AB~

Christmas ideas

My sister and I went to an event called StylistLive last week.  Stylist (the host company) is a free magazine which launched not so many moons ago and has become my bible ever since.  I absolutely love the articles and most importantly their lists at the beginning of every magazine.  The lust lists.  There are always so many amazing things on there and I dream of owning them.  StylistLive was an exhibition where there were talks, stalls for buying things and catwalk shows - my kind of place.  I had vegan cupcakes, what seemed like the largest Greek salad I have ever eaten and attended a talk about blogging.  They had absolutely everything there and I cannot wait for the one in 2017. 

(Turn down the sound, this was by a main road!)

Anyway, as I am apparently a loyal reader I was given two free tickets to attend two of their quieter days and I jumped at the opportunity.   Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of the vegan cupcakes but I can assure you they were lovely! My sister, who was initially annoyed at being invited as she had to begrudgingly take a day off work (she is self-employed), enjoyed herself and even got to attend a talk about house buying which left her feeling a little more optimistic about home ownership.  To put it into perspective, our news outlets regularly report that first time buyers of homes will only be able to buy in their 40s due to affordability (in London).

That aside, there were some amazing stands for me to start my Christmas shopping.  Notonthehighstreet, which is similar to Etsy showcased their most popular picks on their site and offered the opportunity to personalise jewellery for free.  My sister fell in love with their necklaces and she is now the proud owner of a rose gold personalised pendant just like this but at the back of the pic:

I also intend to buy a sweatshirt for my son like this (with a floral applique instead of camo) from Edy & Bridge who are on Etsy:

And they have also agreed to make a personalised order for me so my son can have his birthday number sweatshirt just like last year!

I dislike buying samey things every year and I love everyone to have something a little bit more personal.  I love both of these as they will be as unique as the person wearing them.  Other things I will be buying this Christmas are:

A Nintendo Mini - for my long suffering husband

Buckaroo - for my nephew

National Geographic's Big Book of Why - for my inquisitive little brother
(I'm also getting their Space one too for him)

An amazing informative and fun lift the flap book - for my husband's Godson

And a very boring but very useful gift card for my mum

I'm still racking my brain as to what to get my Dad.  I absolutely love Christmas and I will hopefully be finishing a couple of projects which I will post up here when we're done.

Oh and before I forget, because you know Christmas actually starts on 1st December, my son will be getting his very first advent calendar, which looks like this...

Instead of chocolate they are mini Thomas the Tank Engine trains and the box unfolds into a train track!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!

~AB~

Life always gets in the way

I won't make excuses, I have dropped the ball a little bit.  At home, here, in life.  Everything seems to be happening all at once and I am literally just keeping the balls in the air. 

This week, my husband has been away with work and I thought I could genuinely handle just my son and I being that it was only 3 days and 5 nights.  These are the three days in a very long time he has decided he will do literally everything we have ever told him not to and I am exhausted.  I do not know how single parents do it so props to them.  I will admit right now I lost my temper, on more than once occasion.  I have had to step away from the situation on more than one occasion and yesterday... the naughty step happened because, I won't admit this to the enemy (my son) but I was defeated.  I am a strong believer in using the power of words to discipline a child especially as my parents did not feel that way but then again they are of a very very different generation.  That all being said, I am pretty sure I handled this week waaaaay better than a year ago me would have so self-five to that!

So the changes.  Well I have joined a choir for one.  This was my third week and I absolutely love it.  I have been looking for one to join for a very long time and despite the fact the majority of women are retired, they're all so young-minded and fun and it reminds me of what I have been missing all of this time.  I loved to sing at school and in fact my husband has said on more than one occasion I have the weird ability of knowing the lyrics to a ridiculous amount of songs.  As a mum, it's nice to have that me time and I know I'm really really lucky to have it.  I am really looking forward to Christmas when we have a bunch of concerts lined up and my family can hear us.

My husband has been in transition, moving to a new company and learning the ropes all over again.  He finished his stint as a stay at home dad in the last couple of weeks while I took on some more hours at work to help out and I think despite loving the bonding time with our son, he was relieved to be back having adult conversation again.  I think the whole experience has been a bit of an eye opener for the whole family.  I am pretty certain I need to find my niche away from my current company and pursue it with all of my energy.  I know there is something out there that will challenge my mind, that I will enjoy and will also pay me for the pleasure. 

Finally my son has started up music classes for toddlers, he doesn't seem to enjoy it and seems to spend the whole class desperately trying not to interact.  This is the same boy who dances to the radio and sings twinkle, twinkle and no more monkeys jumping on the bed to me.  I do not understand him.  While the classes are more about the introduction of instruments, structure and listening through music, I am getting the impression my son just does not like the structure.  Unfortunately, this tough as my son is going to have to learn a class environment in the next two years.

I realise this doesn't sound like a lot at all (there is probably more I cannot think of right now) but these and mothering have kept me so busy.   I cannot wait for this weekend and hopefully having a lie in.  I will definitely be counting my blessings, my husband will be back again.   What have you been up to? Anything exciting?

~AB~

Playdates

Last week I drove a considerable distance to play date with a friend of mine.  Her second child was approaching 6 months and I got the impression she might be a little lonely.  She had also never been to the wonder that is playgroup.  I have been singing the praises of playgroups to my friends from the moment I started going in March.  I mean what's not to love about a place you and your child(ren) can go to for £1 where you get given a tea/coffee and biscuits and your child gets to play with a ton of different toys with a bunch of his peers? My son literally leaves me at the door as we walk into the place! 

Anyway, my friend has never been to one before and I thought this was the perfect opportunity, so I accompanied her to her local group which was practically at the end of her road.  The mums were lovely and from the moment we got in there they started chatting to us.  Better still my son and my friend's son were off from the moment we walked in the door, loving every moment of their new play space.  My friend sat there in shock sipping her hot tea, being able to use both hands without a child in either.  She couldn't believe it was possible for her to have free time like this and most mums don't.  I know she was probably thinking right now her daughter could be napping, her son playing in his playroom and she could be ironing/cleaning/doing laundry.  Something other than taking time for herself.  I dread to think the last time she had a cup of tea that wasn't cold.

I managed to make conversation without awkwardness or feeling like it was hard work, my friend on the other hand barely spoke and sat quietly taking it all in.  This was the same friend who had told me when I was pregnant, that you need to go to antenatal classes so you have some mum friends even if you don't listen to what they have to say (we didn't bother going to antenatal classes by the way).  I have four mum friends from classes I took my son to, plus my sister-in-law and a couple of other "original" friends who now have babies, I really didn't feel the need to force it and I still don't now.   I couldn't help but think though, if this were a year ago would I really be so comfortable? I was almost in awe of myself, speaking to other mums as if it were nothing and being relaxed for a change and it was amazing to feel a little more in control. 

I'm hoping though now my friend has been (and she is kicking herself she didn't go sooner), she will continue to go without my son and I.  She deserves the break even if she doesn't think she does and she might even meet new people who live in her area.  I don't think I will ever feel truly comfortable meeting new people.  I still carry that shy and socially awkward girl from two years ago but one thing is for sure, I'm slowly but surely coming out of my cocoon and I can now see the progress. 

~AB~

Quick update

The last couple of weeks have yet again been a whirlwind.  So much is changing and happening at home and I really haven't had the chance to do much on the computer (no we do not have a laptop) so everything has taken a bit of a back seat.  

So the bad news is, our TV broke and Great British Bake Off had only aired one episode, so typical! We will be shopping around for a replacement very shortly I'm sure as my husband is already feeling uneasy about the whole thing.  Also, an iPad screen does not do it justice although Mel and Sue are still hilarious regardless of what medium you watch it on.

The good news is, I have managed to sort out my son's birthday party already and an itinerary has been drafted, although no one but my husband and I understand it.  It will be train themed and I am very much looking forward to it! I have also planned a little soiree at our house afterwards for the rest of the family to join us which will be Chinese themed party food and Christmas cocktails because I mean what could be better than that?  I will ordering the party food from here (queue dribble...) and I have found some amazing cocktails on this site which I will definitely be making. 

I have also been very busy on the meal front.  I'm determined my son should eat healthily and I refuse to give up because of pressure about me being cruel.  My friend who is also my trainer told me about The Body Coach a couple of months ago and whilst I was in awe of some of the recipe videos and her subsequent pictures of the meals she'd prepared using the videos, I did nothing about it till last week.   I am now following him on Instagram and I am even more in awe of what I have seen.  For those who haven't heard of him, The Body Coach is a personal trainer from Essex who posts HIIT work outs and recipes (Lean in 15) that take no time to make.  He has his own books, has his own "plan" for weight loss and has had a TV show as well.  Following him makes me truly see how easy it is to make healthy meals including a variety of veggies which my son will actually eat and will in turn help me lose weight.  I'm not going to try and oversell as I'm in the very early stage, but I'm not endorsed and if you really think being lean and healthy is for you, just take a look and see! I will never fad diet again! Here was last week's meal plan: 

Our meal plan for the week

And these are a couple of raw photos (they tasted better than the photos make them look!) of the meals I have made:

Cajun chicken sausage jambalaya and rice

Turkey and kale meatballs with bolognaise sauce (and spaghetti) - this was all we had left! Although the recipe went a long way!

And one my husband made (which he is mega proud of and rightly so):

 

Chicken stuffed with mozzarella and bazil and wrapped in parma ham with spicy cauliflower cheese

 I cannot tell you how excited I was that both my husband and my son ate kale for the first time without realising, I had my smug face on for at least 20 minutes after the meal.  If you have ever tried kale you will know what a strong smell and flavour it has.  

I cannot wait to be 'lean' and take care of my family at the same time.  Oh course there is a time and a place for cake and eating these meals I now won't feel so guilty when we all eat them!

~AB~

Toddler Room Ideas

My son is fast approaching his second birthday and while it makes me feel a little sick inside that this time has passed so quickly, I'm in awe of the person he has become.  He has learnt the cutest and cheekiest little smile and although I should hate him saying no, the way he says it is so matter of fact and cute.  He's his own person and every day brings something new.

That being said, with all of that growth comes the need for space.  My son's nursery, as I'm sure you can gauge from past posts is not the largest of rooms.  It is suitable for a baby but probably not a toddler although it is neutral enough to stay the way it is should the need arise for him to stay there.

We currently have a guest room laying unused since we all decanted when my son was around 9 months old.  It has been decorated with beautiful textured wallpaper from Graham & Brown which was inspired by a hotel interiors.

Sadly (for the room), I fell pregnant before we got the chance to really use the room for guests and understandably people don't feel comfortable staying over when the family have a baby so it has been largely unused till we moved in there when my son was born temporarily as it keeps heat better than our room.   The previous owners had a single bed in there and I can only imagine the amount of space their daughter must have felt like she had so my son will be no different if we moved him in there.

My loves his cars and trains and buses and literally any mode of transport.  Don't get me wrong, he has a kitchen and enjoys pretending to make and drink tea from his "peatot", he loves making music by drumming on things and singing along to his own tunes and he takes care of his toys making sure they are fed and eat what he eats because we're teaching him to "share share" but he will always come back to transport.  Maybe not even transport, it literally has to have a wheel on it or something that will spin and he will be happy.  Whilst this makes designing his room a little bit easier, he may not be into cars forever and so I get that he will need something a bit more mature to live with till maybe his teens. That being said, my son really loves climbing and the outdoors and animals and I have always thought I would get him a mid-bed rather than a novelty one.  So here are some of the ideas for the car theme:

The images to the right will be a mural as I like the idea that my son would wake up like he's driving into the sunrise (I need to find better pictures but these show context).  I'm still in two minds but there is still the presentation to my husband and asking his opinion (yes that's a thing) before anything goes ahead.

I'm excited for this new chapter in my son's life but a little sad he won't be my tiny baby when it's finally done though. 

Tell me what you think, is there something I'm missing? Maybe you have seen some ideas you think might be better? 

~AB~