Internet Issues

Last week our internet went down.  My son was unwell and asleep and nothing else in the house works without the internet.  We watch tv through the xbox, all of our tablet gaming apps require a connection and my phone is the only device that has any other kind of access to the worldwideweb.  

This would be hell for some people, in fact I actually sat there wondering what I would do with myself (other than cleaning etc because we all need some down time), then I realised there was stuff the internet had been distracting me from in the first place, like reading a book! Before I had my son, I would plough through books like there was no tomorrow.  I love history and in particular anything related to the Tudors, Victorian Crime in the East End or Napoleon.  Quite specific I know but I find them all fascinating.  I especially love historical fiction and obviously have read almost everything Hilary Mantel has published.  

A few months after my son was born I bought a book for myself thinking it would be a nice way to unwind at the end of the day.  It was recommended by Amazon as I had read another book by the same author, The Suspicions of Mr Whicher.  It sounded interesting and a nice little escape from reality.  This book is, Mrs Robinson's Disgrace - The Private Diary of a Victorian Lady by Kate Summerscale.  My son is now almost a year and a half and I'm not even halfway through the book and this saddens me for two reasons, I don't have enough hours in the day and I'm no longer doing things I used to enjoy. 

I did find a little bit of joy cross-stitching the superhero alphabet for my son and I have found another two I would like to do before he grows out of his room, I'm just waiting for the aida to turn up for the second one so I can get started.  Getting lost in historical fiction and crime however, is so much more appealing. Here are some of the books I have absolutely enjoyed so far: 

• Bring up the Bodies - Hilary Mantel
• Wolf Hall - Hilary Mantel
• The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox - Maggie O'Farrell 
• Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
• The Invention of Murder - Judith Flanders 
• The Maul and the Pear Tree: The Ratcliffe Highway Murders 1811 - PD James
• The Magnificent Spilsbury and the Case of the Brides in the Bath - Jane Robins
• Mr Briggs' Hat: A Sensational Account of Britain's First Railway Murder - Kate Colquhoun  
• The Blue Flower - Penelope Fitzgerald
• Pure - Andrew Miller 
• The Confessions of Catherine De Medici - CW Gortner
• Fingersmith - Sarah Waters
• The Report - Jessica Francis Kane
• Alias Grace - Margaret Atwood 
• The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood 

Obviously I have read other books and can thoroughly recommend Tina Fey's Bossypants - it is hilarious but these ones really took it to another dimension for me.  These are definitely an acquired taste but just for a little escape, if you're into any of the stuff I have mentioned above, and haven't had a look at these, I would recommend them. 

~AB~

Nursery ideas

I'm not going to lie, I loved writing the last post about interiors.  I love new home design trends and I love getting newsletters with new trends and upcycling ideas in them.  There are so many different things you can do in the home and there is never any rule against combining two or more styles.

I loved looking at nursery ideas when we were in the process of buying our house.  Sure, I wasn't pregnant yet but the house was a means to an end.  We would have a family in that house one day and optimistically the nursery was the second room to be finished.  I knew that I wanted a "grown up" nursery, I have never been a fan of teddy bears etc all over the walls also, I figured it would be easier to decorate once my son was older if the colours were a little more mature as it would give us a nice blank canvas to work with.  My husband didn't know we were having a boy and I don't like the idea of blue for boys and pink for girls so the ideas had to be neutral.  Some of the ideas I looked at were as follows:

Housetohome & indulgy.com

mrsandthemisc.com

www.freshdesignpedia.com

www.chiccheapnursery.com

As you can see there is a lot of two things, stripes and orange.  I knew pretty early on that orange would be the accent colour but the stripes were just an added bonus to the design.  As you will have seen from earlier posts, the ceiling is striped and our changing mat, mobile and the bed linen are both orange.  The rest of the room is beige and the furniture is white with orange handles.

Last week I had a discussion about a room for my half-brother.  He is 6 and has a pirate ship bed and the intention is to have a mural on the wall in front of the bed.  The rest of the walls are to be painted.  The room used to be Manchester United themed (don't ask) so was red and white with a Man U border.  When my husband and I had to move in with my dad between houses, I bought a self-adhesive border to cover up the hideous football logo and thicker curtains to make it a little bit more homely.  Now my half-brother is older, he has inherited the room and it's in the process of being redone.  Covering up red coving will not be an easy task and also the room has been redone/covered up so many times it will take a lot of effort and time to convert it again. 

I had suggested that possibly the walls should be painted in a pale blue to represent the vast sea and sky and that the ceiling should be painted navy with glow in the dark white dots to represent the night sky.  My dad had decided on painting the ceiling a pale blue but was unsure about the walls.  The room is massive.  My half-brother is scared of the dark and also not very big so the navy would make the room feel smaller in a good way.  Also he loves space and science so would love a night sky and maybe a planet mobile in a dedicated space corner so he can study the planets in more detail.  This took a lot of convincing my dad that navy was a colour worth considering on a ceiling.  

Needless to say I manage to find this image on Google and my dad promptly went out to get paint colour cards.  I love the idea that you can influence a child's imagination purely by the colours you use in their room.  I hope that the orange will inspire my son, I know he already loves bright flowers and cars and I can't wait to see what he will be like when he's a little older and we have to repaint his room.  

Where do you get your inspiration from when decorating your own house? I would love to hear your favourite decor styles. 

~AB~

Interiors ideas I can't get enough of

So it's now spring and the clocks have gone back and I'm feeling like doing some house-y stuff again as the sun is shining and I have some motivation.  I really should get a SAD lamp or something, I am not a fan of the Winter.

Hexagon Tiles
I subscribe to SheerLuxe and absolutely love when they have an interiors or home article in their daily newsletters.  They did an article on tiles that I can't get out of my head and in particular the image of hexagonal tiles: http://sheerluxe.com/2016/03/18/7-statement-tiles-your-splashback. The herringbone and feature tiles are amazing.  We (I) have already decided we will be having a downstairs toilet when our kitchen eventually gets done hopefully in the next decade and I am loving hexagon tiles for that kind of space.  They're so unique and luxe but simple at the same time.  I should stipulate though, it is purely wall tiles I'm interested in.  They just don't look exciting or appealing as a floor tile to me.  Here are some of the ideas I cannot get enough of:

Fired Earth - Indian Ocean range, Madagascar Seaspray

Ragno - Rewind Collection

Johnsons Tiles - Absolute Collection, Selene

Concrete
I'm awful with plants but this whole succulent revival is making me see concrete on a whole new level as they look so good in sculpted concrete vases.  I am a massive fan of anything geometric at the moment and these are no different.  I am absolutely in love with these:

ConcreteGeometric

And would possibly paint one side gold and/or white for display in our guestroom.  I like the combination of concrete and marble (I intend to jump on the marble contact paper bandwagon and redo a side table we have) and the succulents against our backdrop of textured white wallpaper.  

I have also been mentally exploring the idea of breezeblock planters for our garden.  We have recently had a quotation to redo our whole garden, and whilst we can't afford to do anything with it yet I have so many ideas swirling around for what the future garden could be decorated with that will be the least time consuming to maintain but still be beautiful. Breezeblocks are so utilitarian but if built into a structure, they have such appeal: 

Both taken from Pinterest

I know these aren't quite concrete but they're along the same concept and still equally as dull in appearance as concrete.  

Navy & Royal Blue
I cannot get enough of these colours they're so dramatic.  We have a weird walk through upstairs where a room was knocked into two rooms and it needed a passageway to make it feasible for entry into both rooms. Instead of removing it like we will when eventually we will convert the loft (I have such great champagne dreams I know) - I made a feature out of it and painted all of the walls white, the ceiling a cobalt blue and then we put a glass star pendant in it.  I need to mount the full length mirror on the wall but it reminds me a little bit of being in a lighthouse and the ceiling colour is so beautiful.  I have been looking for other places in the house to put either of these colours but still no luck yet.  It will have to be in the art I want to also get but that is for another section in this blog. 

Pinterest

Yellow
My mum never lets me forget that when I was a child and my parents were redoing my room, they took me to a carpet shop and my mum asked what colour carpet I wanted, I pointed to a mustard yellow.  To this day, I still love the colour and I still don't regret it (although my parents laughed and it never made it to my childhood room).   Although I love it more for furniture and accessories, I love how warm and sunny it is as a colour and it also looks great on my son. 

Pinterest

Homeedit.com

Abstract Art 

I have never been too interested in artwork, they say it's subjective and whilst I admire interiors and the way people decorate their homes, I have never really looked at artwork except as another "pretty decoration".  I know to some people this may be farcical and I should be shot but I'm being honest at least.  In the last couple of years however, my eyes have been opened to the world of abstract art.  I looks to liberating and it can be interpreted in so many ways.  Some people might see it as paint splashes (me - more than two years ago) but I see it as a way of interconnecting interior colours as well as creating almost persona for the room.  I was inspired by works I had seen bought for a client at work which incorporated vivid and bold colours into a very bland Victorian space.  The artwork was mounted behind a large gold glass tea stand and it looked absolutely stunning.  Here are some pieces I have been looking at for home: 

Carol Schiff Studio

Shining Eye Arts

I think both are absolutely stunning and to me it looks like the movement of water.  

I have tried to decorate our house to be sympathetic to its roots but I love some of the modern elements of design to tie everything together.  I can't wait to get stuck into some projects and maybe even finish off the decor of some of the key parts of the house but it's now just finding the time.  There are certainly more than enough design articles though to keep my ideas flowing!

~AB~

Things I didn't realise I would miss

Today, my husband had the day off of work and I was left on my own for a couple of hours while I went to my buggy fit class (I used the teacher's buggy) and he took our son.  While I was in the cafe while my instructor was changing her son's nappy, I realised I too needed to go to the bathroom and after washing my hands I used the hand dryer.  I used the HAND DRYER.  I say this twice because the first time I ever used a hand dryer, I was in a disabled toilet with my son, and didn't think anything of it after washing my hands.  Unfortunately, he has never since looked at a hand dryer the same way, he was screaming while it was going and the look of fear on his face is something I will never forget.  Now, my son is not scared of anything loud usually and more often than not usually wants to see what the noise is and where it's coming from.  He loves our vacuum cleaners and even tries to copy the noise they make!  Anyway, this got me thinking what else have I missed since having my son?  

Ok, I didn't miss using a hand dryer but I missed the not having to think about whether I should dry my hands with a dryer or toilet paper - which would disintegrate into my hands causing more mess but would avoid mental scarring.  Some other things I didn't realise I missed: 

• Lunch without having to share 
• Happy hour with friends 
• Being able to get my haircut in Central London after work 
• Showers without disruption/intervention

This obviously isn't an extensive list and here's why, I don't miss much from my old life aside from travelling abroad because I have found new ways with my son.  I actually get to take my time walking to places and probably notice more.  I allow more time to get to places so I'm actually more punctual even to things I'm not paying for (my friends will vouch for how awful my timekeeping was).  Most importantly, when I do get that all important mummy time alone, showering, painting my toenails and meeting with friends mean so much more.  My son has made me more appreciative of everything because time is so precious.  We have our first family holiday in December to meet some of my husband's family abroad and although I am dreading it, this will set the precedent for our holidays to come.  Hopefully, a friend of mine from the US will be marrying next year and we get to take a trip to Michigan but also then to travel elsewhere and show my son a little more of the world.  My husband and I loved travelling before my son was born so we can't wait to show him a little of our world.  I'm so excited to have his little mind opened up to all of the cultures and foods of the world and who truly cares if it means I have to share food - less calories right? 

~AB~

Why are we always asking what's next?

When you're in a relationship and you have been with someone for a while, people ask, "when are you getting married?", you then get married and it starts at your reception, "so when are you having babies?"... then you have a baby, they turn 1 and it's, "when are you having your next one?".  Why do people feel the need to ask those questions? I have done it before but now I'm in the position of being constantly asked, I will never ask again!

My husband and I were together for 6 years before we got married but when we met I was still grasping (barely) to my teenage years so as you can imagine, he was in no rush to marry someone who hadn't truly lived yet.  We embarked on our life together with frivolity, holidaying more than once a year and going to expensive restaurants for special occasions.  When we got married, life was no different we were still the same people just wearing rings with matching surnames.  Neither of us were ready for children nor were we living in a place that would be suitable for children.  So tried to tick off as many places/events as we could before we were able to buy a house again that would be suitable for a family and until we were ready for a family.  This was 4 more years of "when are you having a baby?", except that after the first couple of years, people feel awkward asking as they don't know whether you're choosing not to have children or not.  We moved into our house during year 10 of being together with this massive renovation plan and three months later I was pregnant.  

Now that my son is over a year old and I'm over 30, I am constantly asked when are you having your next one and it's even by friends who have other better things to talk to me about!  I appreciate that whilst I am not getting any younger, my feelings towards having another baby are much like my initial feelings were towards being married and trying for a baby all those years ago.  I'm not in any rush.  Maybe my husband feels differently despite the conversation we have had about it but I'm not physically, mentally or financially ready for another child yet.  

I would love for my son to have a sibling and I have never wanted just one child but I'm just not in that place yet.  If it so happens that when I'm ready to have another baby, I am unable to then we will cross that bridge when we come to it but I'm not unhappy with my life.  I have enough and it's not something I want to change.  My son is wonderful and I'm so grateful we were able to have him even if he is mischievous and pushes my buttons too frequently.  I  love our unfinished house and my husband who has endured over a decade of me and my neuroses. 

My son will be 2 this year and if by the end of the year I'm ready for another baby, I will be very surprised.  My heart is full. 

~AB~

Wedding nostalgia

I got married 6 years ago in October and even at the time as stressful as it was, I revelled in the planning.  All of the research I got to do, all of the dresses I got to look at and all of the venues that I had to whittle down to just one.  Whilst my husband asked for inclusion on some things (like the venue), I was pretty much left to my own devices and it was amazing.  I have said many times since our wedding, that I would love to renew our vows so we can have a special day all over again.  It truly was one of the best days of my life.  Our theme was a hint of Japan as my husband and I love it there and we got married here:

http://matara.co.uk/galleries/weddings/outdoor-weddings

Our colours were gold, ivory and brown and I had my bridesmaids in different long dresses but the same shade of gold.  My dress was an ivory replica of this dress:

I saw it and fell in love with it instantly and when I put it on, unlike other dresses I tried on, there was no claustrophobia and I didn't feel suffocated.  My bridesmaids all had obi belts on over the tops of their dresses made of ivory taffeta and they held fans in the same hand as the large Butler and Wilson style gold flower bracelets they were all wearing.  The table centrepieces were potted orchids that some of the guests got to take home, the names were after Japanese districts from the ceiling we had hung loads of paper lanterns.  It wasn't the 100% perfect day I had pictured but in hindsight, I wouldn't have changed much and I still look back on the day with happiness and also a little bit of sadness that I won't be able to relive that moment again and again.  6 years later, a friend of ours is getting married and has asked for advice and some links to what we did and had at our wedding - I found myself trawling through my wedding photos and looking at every element of the wedding all over again and wished I could be there in that moment.  I love weddings so much and if I could be involved in planning one for a friend or even helping someone out just a little, I think it would almost be like reliving my day all over again.  I'm hoping that one day I will get to renew my vows, it will be nothing like the first time but I can't wait to share that moment with my husband again with our baby(ies) to celebrate with us this time.  

~AB~

Not today messy play

I'm sure it's not too difficult to read if you start with my earlier posts that I'm a different person than I was when I first started this process. I'm not going to sugar coat things, I find motherhood difficult.  It was daunting when my son was first born and although I thought it would get better the older he got, it still hasn't.  Now to be clear I'm not saying that I don't want to be a mother anymore or even that I don't love my son, because neither could be further from the truth.  It's just that this is the most difficult job I have ever done and I can't find solutions to make it less difficult.  I know I'm often hard on myself and this is no different, I do want the best for my son and I want him to feel like I'm a fun mum and he didn't miss out on the enjoyment of a childhood.  There are so many of my friends and family who show me things they have been up to with their children and I feel a pang of jealousy as I haven't done that with my son and I feel like he's missing out.  I would like to think I'm creative but when it comes to play time, I draw blanks.

Everyone parents in their own way and I had no intention of not being fun but it turns out I'm a square.  Precious about cleaning and mess etc and not letting my son enjoy exploring for fear of him breaking something.  When I take him to messy play, he ignores the mess completely and I'm hoping that's not because I have given him a complex.  That being said, like a typical boy he loves climbing anyway and anything with wheels so maybe that's the reason why.  Reading this back I sound awful and so boring but I figure, why am I letting him create mess I'm going to have to clean up and in turn that will give me less one on one time?

So anyway, for the first time on Monday I let my son create mess.  I gave him a massive plastic bowl, and some uncooked pearl couscous and macaroni.  It was awful.  My son threw it everywhere and didn't smile the whole time and all I could think of was "please enjoy yourself, this is going to take forever to clean up".  The cleaning up process was so painful and time consuming I ended up putting my son in the playpen as his "helping" was actually making things a million times worse.  He was in tears, I was stressed, never ever again.  I know what you're thinking, why didn't I make play dough or paint instead? My son doesn't like the texture and feel of playdough he finds it weird and as for painting well I don't think I can quite let go enough for that yet.  He does it nursery and until I can be less of a control freak about it, I think it's best for both of us I stay away.  I have let my son doodle with colouring pencils however but crayons he tries to eat so they're a no go.  Yes, I'm a complete bore, I would much rather send my son to soft play or toddler gymnastics rather than create mess.

Other mums constantly admit to me that they freak out at the thought of the mess and that they don't feel comfortable letting their toddlers messy play at home but yet their instagrams say different.  I get that I must sound like a fruit loop but I am immensely paranoid that I'm the only mother who feels this way.  Am I?  Is there anyone else who is this precious about messy play? I think this weekend I will need to give it another go while my husband is also home and just let my son get messy.  Then we can bath him immediately afterwards to minimise mess. 

Maybe I should clarify further that I might not be so precious if my extremely active son wouldn't get up mid-activity and wipe his hands all over our walls and his toys.  We still have no gates up because I feel he should have the freedom to wander from room to room without feeling like a caged animal.  I have also seen his face when he was confined to a room at a friend's house and I don't know if I could experience that again.  I guess you could say my son is relatively trustworthy too if a toddler can be that way? Anything dangerous is well out of reach and things that we couldn't move out of reach like the TV he knows full well not to touch.  He is also over the stairs so only goes up it when both my husband and I are home and he can hear one of us upstairs and he is never allowed down the stairs unsupervised.

Maybe there is something I can start small with? He loves splashing around in the bath and rubbing his hands in something he has spilt on the floor if I can't get to it quick enough so there must be something liquid that won't cause me to freak out - just until he learns a little self-control.  That's a lot to ask for a toddler but he's a smart boy, hopefully that will happen soon, right? What activities do you swear by that are messy but not too messy?

~AB~